twisted logic - when one door closes, another opens

Saturday, November 15, 2003

dreams.

had many many of them in e 18 yrs so far, but a few are remembered more than e rest. e few tat recurred just once in a while.

furthest memory was of this dream about batman. was in a toy store, and suddenly all e cartoon characters came to life. somehow only rem batman. dun realli rem what he did liao, but can rem i used to like batman a lot a lot a lot. even made a mask n cape for myself.

den came e weirder dreams as i grew up. dreamt of my old house, near e lift area. there was this stretch of apartments on e same floor tat i nv walk by before. its one of those hdb blocks where e lift only serves three of e twelve floors, and i lived on e sixth, which was one of e lift floors. den in e dream, e corridor that led to e houses i nv walked past before suddenly became just one unit. many many times, i dreamt of climbing over e wall, hanging onto e edge, and swinging myself into that unit thru e window. always succeeded. when i go inside, there will always be no one around. i tink i just walk around. e house is unusually big for a hdb one.

tat was part one. part two was e lift. sometimes its e old house one, but more often its e one at my grandma's house there. always got stuck in e lift in my dreams. either tat, or it will go up very very fast, to a weird weird floor. like e 60th floor in a 11 storey flat. e buttons always wont work. i get very scared, even in e dream. will feel like once e lift door closes, my fate is like sealed. if it stops, n e door opens, den good, at least i can get out. if not, i just wait, n wait, and hopefully it stops in e end. e lift often malfunctions, leavin me stuck in between two floors. den i'll try to force open e door, n climb out. again in this dream, there isnt a single soul around other than me. btw, this lift here was also e one tat i took by myself for e first time in my real life. think i was 5 at that time, couldnt find my grandpa while we were walking downstairs, so i took e lift up by myself. was real scared then.

den it was e escalators. in a big big shopping centre. e escalators are unusually long, and dangerous. e side handles are so low tat even as a child i seem to be able to look right over it and down below. e shopping centre is veh veh high, n somehow i am always travelling to e highest floor in my dreams. will go to this comic shop all e time. but e shop always changes location. sometimes its to e left, sometimes to e right. but always happen to find it in e end, maybe cos its always at e highest floor. den i'll find all e unheard of comics, and everi single time when i try to buy or open a book, i will wake up. everi single time.

once i dreamt of this expressway. someone was driving e car, dunno who tho. den sped veh fast, on e rather empty winding road. made this veh quick turn, and ended up right at this special one lot car park. den i got off e car, n e next thing i noe i'm in e middle of this cop chase. apparently some terrorists are on e run. there was a lot of ppl around, so i helped n join in e chase. we caught up w e evil-doers, den suddenly they started throwing hand grenades at us. we hastily found some roof for cover, but e grenades did not explode. i woke up abruptly, not knowin e ending. this dream havent recurred yet.

den there was this veh memorable once. got shot my a gun. and felt e pain. right thru my heart, e pain was drawing life outta me, but somehow my mind was still clear enuff to feel e hurting bullet. it realli hurted, n soon i couldnt speak. guess tat is how getting shot feels like? i dunno. dun ever want to know.

n my dreams sometimes i can force it to continue one. like when i got awoken by e loud ringing of e phone, or suddenly got a shock n wake up. i just go straight back to sleep, tinking bout e pt when e dream left off. den e dream just flows into continuation smoothly.

many a times, i could also force myself out of a dream. like when e robber is about to stab me w a knife. or when i could expect wad e ending would be like. i just dunno do what, something like shaking my head veh quickly, den i'll wake up right away. in real life, always do e same thing also. when i watch a drama serial n when waht is going to happen next is predictable n i cant bear to watch, i just walk away. when i tink what some ppl are going to do tat i dun want to find out, i just run away. im good at running away i guess.

dreams are weird things. weirdly interesting. they often tell e future, my future. premonitions come once in a while, or maybe its just deja vu. i duno la, dreams tell a lot, yet explains veh little. maybe tats why life is meant to be lived in reality. only den can u question, feel, understand, seek out an answer, and truly experience life n emotions as it is meant to be. i dun get any answers frm my dreams, yet i still like them. dreams are like fortune tellers, they tell u all sort of hard to understand things tat will somehow fall into place soon, and always they tell u to seek out e ans for urself. guess life i simply about finding ans. to leave e world w an ans will be a happy departure, n until then, we are constantly reminded by our very dreams about e endless qns in life, and be urged to explore n discover, believe in our dreams, shape our life in such a way tat we will truly be a happy person one day.

hengster @ 9:42 PM
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i'm back!!

after so so long, finally decided to write a little note on my nearly abandoned blog, at 1.10am in e morning, in e middle of my alevel exams! hahahah aiyah its ONLY a levels wad.. wads e big deal?=)

yarh anywayy, a levels so far has been fine! ok not including e two sci practs tat totally lowered my morale to rock bottom..

yup math was e first written paper, n it kinda gave me e feeling tat i was back in sec 4, doing e math! not tat i'm xiao1 zhang1 okay.. but felt like e whole level will get avg of 85 for it at least.. so e A for math this yr is gonna b damn high i tink..

okay den it was econs paper 3.. hmm.. e first thing tat caught my eye was qn4 on comparative advantage.."yay!" i thought, cos c.a. is one of e few econs concept tat i know well...so i started writing..writing...writing..until i realise..i spent 1h25mins on it!! for e info of those who dun take econs, paper 3 is 2hr15mins in total, in which u hafta write THREE essays. and so, feeling quite screwed, i panic n went on to do qn5 quickly.. wasnt all tat bad, cos qn5 i spotted before e paper, and got this econs king to ans my qn of "wad is singapore's biggest econs prob at e moment n how to solve it - 25 marks"...am i good a predictions or wad!! hahah feel so happy as i write..and write...and write..den some foreign voice interrupted my overheating mind..."TEN MINUTES LEFT," e inviligator announced. wow. okay. ten minutes. one more essay to go. walauuuuuuuuuu! okay so i pia n pia...pia about 1 page plus for it..tink can get me around 5 marks? hahah. aiyah. i tink e first two qns shud help me pass e essays part. den drq n case study do well can liao rite? i hope... i may seem like such an optimist but like in e middle of e nite i will just tink bout it and feel so bad i cant sleep. btw i cant sleep now la.

but nvm, on came tues, w gp n chem. gp..wrote e essay on minorities, n felt happy! haah. weird thing to do. felt happy cos i always came across many similar qns when doing gp assignments n tests, always will write a bit of outline for it, but always wun do e qn in e end. so when gp paper 1 finally came, i thought for a while, den realise tat i have accumulated so many diff outlines frm e unused outlines last time, so why not give it a try? so i tried, and i tink its not bad! haahh...tho e conclusion is a bit rushed, felt tat i covered enough depth n breadth to earn me a few wows frm e marker..den paper two, aiyah, e apq a bit cheem, but tink can do okay for it, so overall, hope can get a2! a2 will look so good on e results slip, cos i tink e 4 main subs wun have much of e first letter of alphabet in it...hais

hmm chem was after gp. sigh. dun realli want to talk bout it. just tat its quite an interesting paper w interesting qns n interesting answers which i am interested to know but cant. i tink cambridge setters are going senile. seriously.

okay den came math p2 on wed. morale booster again. heh felt quite good after doing e paper, first time i finished e paper k! hahah. yarh hopefully math can get me one of e two As i'm hoping for..

thurs was econs p1 p2! heh i tink it was fine for me, mcq not many wrongs, n data response case study i spotted yet again! i like only studied e role of money notes for e first time in my life e nite before, n it was all i studied! wah, maybe im just lucky, maybe im just good at predictions. hey i tink 4D this week first prize will come out 5840. go buy!

and anyway, overall i tink i did e papers e best i could for e veh little studyin i've done. tink it'll be fine if i can continue to feel good after e rest of e papers. realli i tink a levels is nothing much la. do badly also likedat lor. just shows tat im not e kind ready for uni studies. maybe i am just suited to be e car mechanic tat i've always wanted to be? haha. ok i shud take alevels a bit more seriously i guess. aiyah okay i'll go study more frm tmr onwards...

oh anyway, shall end off w a stoopid dream i had last nite. dreamt tat i was in this room, fighting some things. on closer look, i realise they are cockroaches! and GIANT cockroaches in fact. okay so i was like running around half scared and half hoping to catch them and squash them flat. den i tink i caught one n smacked it w a broom or smth. tot it died. den only den i realise there are four more to go. n i realised i suddenly shrunk. e roaches are now bigger than me!! arGgGgGhhHH! n den i woke up. so i guess i lost e fight n got squashed instead. heh dreams are so good, always filter out e bad endings one.

anyway, regarding my prediction for 4D a few paragraphs above, it came from this dream! haha! go figure. clue: find out how many legs cockroaches have.

heh i think i'm starting to type nonsense liao. hmm. i tink this whole entry quite nonsense. nvm. hahahaha. im going crazier by e second. better go sleep. tmr i'll study! i will!

hengster @ 1:42 AM
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